"Sometimes there are no words"
For the most part, I have more good days than bad. Getting my head around the fact that I am always going to have depression and anxiety, is a recurring thought I battle with on the harder days. The days when I think to myself "what else do I have to do to get these thoughts/feelings out of my head" the little weed of doubt that I am never going to get better lights up like fireworks.
It is these moments that I struggle to find the words to let people know what is going on for me. I revert to the Stef that hid her illness for so long (old habits die hard). During the moments when I am stuck in my head, as you can imagine, I have a lot of time to think and sit with my pain. For a while I was doing this on my own, until one day a little ragdoll kitten came into my life.
Portia was a gift given to me from my parents. I had told them in the past how beneficial it could be for people who are ill to have the company, unconditional love, affection and everything else that comes with having a pet. I also let them know that sometimes, even if people were willing to listen, I just did not want to talk. Portia, even as a tiny kitten, knew when I was feeling off, foggy, down, mad, sad or in pain (mental or physical).
I began to notice that even though I could not speak the words to my cat, it did not matter because she understood me. Portia would not leave my side and was the hope I needed to get through those moments/hours/days. Portia now has the name Dr Portia, unbeknown to her she is one of the best therapist I have ever had.
Sometimes there are no words to describe what we are experiencing. We may not have it in us to speak to people about it. Sometimes all we need is the unconditional, non-judgemental and ever lasting love of our pet. These beautiful creatures who provide massive amounts of joy for us, don't get enough credit for what they do.
Show your beautiful creature some extra love, they understand more than you think.
Live, Breathe, Embrace.